Things NOT to do before a Cruise

Instead of booking a cruise to nowhere to test my sea sickness tolerance, I booked a cruise to New Brunswick, Canada (also known as nowhere *cymbal crash*).

However, here's a cautionary tale of what not to do before embarking:

1. Drink large, copious amounts of alcohol

2. Do shots

3. Stay out till 4am the night before leaving

4. Eat food once you get home and pass out at 5am

5. think that you might be able to go to brunch at noon

6. think that you might be able to walk upright before noon

7. believe that alcohol doesn't exacerbate sea sickness

8. attempt to drive a car after all of this

9. attempt to walk through a terminal carrying a large bag

10. tell your friend she's "running" even though she's walking normally through the terminal

LAME

So, I noticed I haven't blogged anything in April and it will be May 1st on Saturday, so I'm jumping to it. This month has been a complete blur filled with horribly last-minute projects and running around like a headless chicken.

However, now that my Annual Meeting is over I can sit back and....

1) fill out my time sheets

2) tweet for my own account

3) have after-work plans

4) eat fish tacos

5) wear fun dresses (this is more weather related)

6) work out

7) stop taking allergy medication

8) go shopping

9) return stuff

10) stop stress eating

Yay for May! Happy Bday end-of-Aprilers!

Lunch Topic of the Day!

So, my coworkers always randomly find some controversial topics to discuss at the lunch table and the discussion always leads to the one or all of the following:

a) a screaming match

b) saying something inappropriate

c) too much sharing

Today was: Would you want to know if your spouse/bf/gf cheated on you?

D's position was: Yes, honesty is always the best policy

E's position was: hell no, you lie. take that to the grave!

A's position was: Not if it was harmless 1-timer. Yes, otherwise.

J's position was: Yes, then cheat on him back! An eye for an eye.

Personally, i think you should date someone who's awful at lying - then you don't even have to worry about it. If you can't find this magical person, then I guess you take your chances. Though, I think some things should be agreed upon. Does your partner think strippers are dirty and probably carry STDs? Does your partner think communication is important and doesn't mind confronting problems when they arise? If yes, those are good signs. ;-)

However, I would say most women agree - if it was meaningless and didn't get past a certain point - keep it to yourself. If you feel guilty - GOOD. You SHOULD feel guilty. You should try to make it up to that woman every day of your goddamn life.

If it means more...you gotta fess up and do it QUICK. Anything less and you're just a coward.

Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games

This is just to let everyone know that I'll be completely useless and absent for the next couple of weeks. My <3 of the Olympics is only matched by my <3 of Vancouver! Let's hope for minimal Buble coverage...

Intellectual Conundrum

John Granger who is known as the "Hogwarts Professor" swung by NYC for a lecture-tour of his new book about the Twilight series. As a twilight fan and a former English major, of course I attended this - however, it was also well-attended by older readers who haven't read the books yet and just like to attend everything from the NYPL. So, it wasn't a giggle-fest over Edward's beauty and sparklyness or a fight between Team Jacob and His Sparklyness. This is from the NYPL website:

“It fails every test if you evaluate books the conventional, academic way,” he said. “So I realize we must be missing something. If all of our tools say no one in their right mind should read this, then there’s something wrong with our toolbox. We need better tools.” - John Granger

It was like an English class. What would binghamton name this class you ask? Probably "Religious Implications in the Modern Vampire," or "Supernatural Restructuring in Popular Literature." That game could last for days.

There were three points that fascinated me throughout this talk:

1) the Mormon connection 2) why the books work 3) how those two things are somehow connected.

Cutting straight to the point, Stephenie Meyer was born and educated into the Mormon religion and that's what she knows. When dissecting the novels for their literary worth (surprisingly there is some), Granger discovered numerous Mormon parables for a lot of the plot, characters and background stories throughout the novel. Edward is the Trinity, Bella is the seeker and Jacob is a Native American (no disguise there!). While this initially made me upset, because it's like I was being tricked into going to Mormon Church when I really just intended to read a teen vampire novel, I felt better about Stephenie Meyer's writing in the end. I couldn't understand why I liked the book so much, so now that there are deeper roots to this story, I'm glad I didn't get sucked into reading crap.

So, why do we like the book so much? Well, partly because of these Mormon stories. Turns out human nature always wants to seek out something greater (drug-induced or faith-induced). The one great literary thing Meyer does do is take "suspension of disbelief" to a whole new level - this teenage girl is different and self-sacrificing, vampires don't want to kill humans and sparkle in the sun, werewolves can control themselves and so on. You are willing to almost believe anything at this point, so you get pulled into Bella's nature. You want to know what Edward is and you admire the lifestyle that they lead just as much as she does. You're on the same journey to discover what's out there...to connect with Edward or at least find happiness on earth, with Jacob.

The one caveat Granger gave was: if you don't like Bella, if you cannot connect with her, you won't like Twilight. You won't suspend your disbelief and you won't get drawn into her obsessions. I'm not sure how much I connect with to Bella, but I surely understand a lot of her characteristics and choices.

Like a lot of people, I equated the story's impact to how people felt when they first fell in love (or became obsessed with someone) whether in their youth, or recently. That feeling stays with you and while you're not there anymore, it's lovely to reminisce about and you're OK with all the probable heartache and pain that's happened subsequently. Is that the same with religion? Do people have spiritual experiences throughout their lives and think back on them to regain their faith? Is believing in love similar to believing in God?

Grammys: GAGA

If you want to know what I thought of the Taylor Swift Show AKA The Grammy's - you can check out my twitter feed from last night. Otherwise, I only have one thing to say. That guy behind Lady Gaga must've been PISSED. Luckily, it looks like he might just be an ornately dressed bellboy holding the seat. wtf?

Guest Appearances on Glee I Dream About...

So, like millions of other Americans, I love Glee. The songs, the cute HS teacher (something i never had), the baby daddy drama....it's all there in a bright, innocent, almost technicolor package. It also makes perfect sense for it to be a musical since most adolescent shows on television are the opposite of realistic, so why shouldn't all the kids break into song and choreographed dance sequences?

On that note, here's a list of people I would fangirl over being on the show. They either have to sing or dance or both:

1. Ewan McGregor - that smile, that hair...

2. Rob Pattinson - there are no words.

3. NPH

4. Reese Witherspoon - a lil bit of country would rock

5. Channing Tatum - if he could redo that dirty dancing skit...

6. Taylor Swift - didn't she just finish HS?

7. Angela Lansbury - so she can go on Craig to promote it

8. Johnny Depp - I would cry

9. Bryan Adams - oh wait, this goes on the Degrassi list

10. Zac Efron - as long as he wears blue to bring out his eyes

A Single Man

I didn't know what to expect from this movie other than good acting, sadness and perhaps, some kind of commentary on the human condition or existential theory. Luckily, it included all those Oscar-worthy elements and a whole lot more. Like an episode of Mad Men, the clothing, sets and cars were perfect. Tom Ford's designer eye definitely paid off in the aesthetics and crucial details that puts the viewer right into that era where it was normal to have your shirts pressed, folded and wrapped in paper. Does anyone do that anymore?

Smoking has also become the crucial indicator of all things retro - smoking in a classroom?!? Did people really do that? My teachers didn't even want me chewing gum or eating in class, let alone lighting one up and looking at them like they were ruining my buzz. The one thing I will say is that although American habits were a lot less clean, our lives ran at a pace where you could focus on one thing at a time. Houses were kept. Hairstyles were maintained. Everything was serene...on the surface. An eerie calm washes over the entire fim: (Colin Firth's) George systematically plans his death; (Julianne Moore's) Charley spends what seems like 90 minutes applying makeup on one eye; Kenny (Nicholas Hoult) stalks George with such silent authority that if you put different music to the scenes, you might think you were watching an old-school horror flick.

As movies go - it was a pleasure to watch (massive male eye candy - hello!). Everyone was absolutely amazing in this film and although the direction/representation was sometimes a little obvious, it was still a worthwhile look into the frailty of man (by nature) to be alone; to have to hide our true selves and conform to society; to connect to something so deeply that we couldn't live without it.

I also respect a film that is sad in many ways, but doesn't specifically orchestrate gut-wrenching scenes with musical accompaniment that make you want to bawl out loud for 15 minutes. I'm looking at you Lovely Bones!

Haiti

In the words of one of my favorite writers, Edwidge Danticat:

In fact that is the struggle that most Americans [have] - as rich as this country is, most Americans are very limited in their interaction with the world, unless the world comes to us in a very shocking way.

While most of us are astounded by the destruction, we are probably even more astounded by the regular living conditions of Haitians everyday. What do you expect to happen to people who don't have sturdy homes and good infrastructure to begin with - let alone after a catastrophe? Why is it a surprise that the roads are destroyed and that hundreds of thousands of people are dead? I'm not a disaster specialist, but it seems like the rescue forces should have a contingency plan set up for large scale disasters in hard to reach areas where poverty is prevalent. They seem to be starting at 0 every time one of these natural disasters occur - it should be a given that there are no roads, people need water immediately, and want to locate their loved ones.

Haiti's history is a complicated one that has US fingerprints all over it (we occupied Haiti for almost 20 years). Apparently, we went into Haiti and helped certain aspects, but eventually left it unstable and unable to support itself economically. Does that sound familiar? Bill Clinton sent in troops after a major coup overthrew their president in the 90s...political unrest ensues.

My only hope is that we get the aid to the people quickly and we LEARN something from this for the next inevitable catastrophic event. Maybe we can even help people get out of poverty before the next tsunami/earthquake/flood/hurricane hits them.

Top 5 list of things I'd like to see happen (but probably won't):

1. Royal Carribean sends 5 ships to Port-au-Prince and tells everyone to get on board
2. They set up reasonable camps for everyone and evacuate the city to clean up
3. Disaster relief organizations think about the deeper implications of this disaster
4. Some leadership arises from the Haitian government
5. Unlike 9-11, maybe our humanitarian acts and efforts to help rebuild a struggling country will lead to better relations with other countries (or at least between US and Haiti)

Team Conan!

Ok seriously...who watches Jay Leno?

I would at times, tune in to see the guest he had on, but when it came to the monologue and opening, I'd have to go with letterman and his top ten. Maybe it's because I'm a New Yorker or because Leno is a caricature of a person, but I found his show kind of generic, corny and progressively staler as the nights went by.

Dave also has his issues - sometimes he gets very cantankerous or talks to Paul too much...when Conan moved to the Tonight Show, I was thrilled. I didn't have to choose between him or Craig Ferguson (i would mostly pick Craig).

I'll give it to Jay though, Jaywalking was always hysterical. It instilled a healthy fear of the stupidity that is apparently running rampant on the streets of LA. What could possibly be wrong with those people? Too much sun?

Conan wasn't great in the beginning. He was really awkward, immature and downright offensive at times, but after all those years, he was becoming a real late-night guy. Someone creative, self-deprecating and inquisitive - and we're just talking about his hair...

I also like the fact he graduated from Harvard and became a sketch comedian (my fave eps was when jenn gardner yelled at him for using a word incorrectly and he found a dictionary proving her wrong).

I don't think NBC is giving him a fair shake. 7-months in a time slot, 2-3 months of which was taken up with Jay right before him is not a fair shake. If your own network has no confidence in you, then how are other people who aren't familiar with your show supposed to give you a chance?

Changes...

I don't really want to have resolutions since they begin and end within one year, but here's some stuff i should be working on.

What I'm going to try to do more of:

1) be more accountable

2) follow up with people

3) blog

4) make more $$$

5) be more active

6) read

7) wedding planning

8) spend time w/ family

9) save $$$

10) help others

Do less of:

1) being negative

2) eating crap (less sugar - no fried foods!)

3) giving up

4) watching tv

5) playing mindless games

6) shopping

7) evacuating the dance floor

8) procrastinating

9) disappearing

10) sitting on my arse